HUMOR: Summary of Thinking for Myself

[Andrew Plato <intrepid_es -at- yahoo -dot- com>]

WARNING: Consumption of liquid based matter in conjunction with reading this
electronic message may cause nostril-based expulsion of said liquids and
uncontrolled emotional outbursts. 

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Hey everybody, thanks for all your help on deciding whether I should think for
myself. I wanted to share with you some of the responses I got. 


---------------------------

Dirk Nilestrummer, 
Cataclysmic Gas Sniffing Enterprises

Seth, I hear 'ya. Last month my team leader instituted a comprehensive
self-guided thinking program. Since then, things have been a total mess. None
of the writers are able to get any work done. They're all stuck with having to
figure out problems for themselves. We used to have a great Responsibility
Deferment Program here that worked really well. The writers just sent all their
problems to some manager in Miami who took care of it. 

I know everybody talks about how great this *intelligence* thing can be, but
here at my company we're waiting until there is some real proof. 


Fredia Gropingmouse
Incidental Aluminum Mangling Inc. 

Here in my mind, I use the following methods to guide my thinking. I took a
class in 1983 from Dr. E. Wangler Ratchetflaker who showed me that if I just
sat around and waited for somebody to say something, I look more intelligent.
And it was true.  

So at my first job, my boss told me I was cute. But then I had two boys with
him and we bought a new Ford Taurus. Personally, I can't understand why anybody
wouldn't get the carpet upgrade. So yesterday I was buying some canned hams on
QVC and talking to my friend. She said that anybody who uses that new Tide,
they're Satanists. 

Oh, and I just have to tell you about my spleen surgery last week...


Curt Cutsomeyams
Overbilling Consultants, LLC

Seth,

Self-guided thinking just does not work. I've worked with thousands of people
who simply cannot be expected to consistently think for themselves.  We feel
the answer is to implement a Full Frontal Quasar Brain Sectionalization System
for out clients. All of them agree that once management has full brain stem
control over the "little people", Draconian policies of slavery and toil are
easy to implement. 

Of course, this requires use of our trademarked Gonazz Method.  What is the
Gonazz Method you ask? Well, let me tell you.  The Gonazz Method is a method
where tasks, fonts, bugs, information, shoes, and users are combined into one
holistic semi-retarded Globluar. From there the information is El Chunkinated
into Globlorums and then uploaded to a Oosooeoisiiis database. The full
Gonazzinization takes place when a total XML-based functional Whamamickjammer
is reactionarily fed into the template housing. This outputs all your ideas to
a pre-ingested format suitable for print, on-line, or cookie-dough delivery. 

Call me today and set up an informational funds extraction so we can begin
helping your people stop thinking for themselves and wasting valuable work
time. 


Tom Grrrr
Duncan McFartBonger's Haus of Wood

There is simply no reason writers should be expected to think. I've been in
this business for 98 years and I've never thought once. This is just those damn
e-consultants and dot.com kids trying to make me work and do things. 


Andy Balmer
The Me Foundation

Seth,

Let me tell you about me. I am amazing. I can do everything. I too am fed up
with people on this list not telling me how amazing my ideas are in helping
technical writers write the right way. We need more of me and less of them. 

In my little small world, I see your problem as an indication of the coming
apocalypse. The world is going to end because people keep thinking for
themselves. If I were you, I would be getting my resume and portfolio together.
These horrible dot.coms have got to learn that there is simply no place for
thinking in technical writing.  

---------------------------------------

Yeah, well, you get the idea.  Thanks everybody for all your suggestions and
ideas. I think we're going to hold off on thinking for ourselves right now.
There are just too many trade shows and meetings to attend to waste our time
writing. 

Thanks again for all your help.

Seth




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