Re: Turning down an offer you can't refuse

[Marilyn_Baldwin -at- capgroup -dot- com]

On 12/19, Bruce Byfield wrote:
> I have a very pleasant problem that I'd appreciate some advice on.
> I've been working on contract with a startup company... I'm talking
> serious dream job here... I'm starting to receive friendly, but
> persistent pressure to move and be at the office full-time.... left
> to my own devices, I'd be strongly tempted to accept. The trouble is,
> family obligations make moving virtually impossible. Nor do I
> especially want to leave where I am... For now, I've been delaying
> giving an answer. In fact, my instinct is to delay as long as I can...
> I was wondering: what would anyone else do?

Bruce -

I think your answer is in front of you, but you're just not ready yet
to gulp and walk away from what you describe as a "dream job."

I worked for a large, stable insurance company that was in a re-org/
right-size mode for about 10 years.  As it concentrated on "core busi-
ness," it moved some parts of the business geographically.  The first
significant change was to move the Property/Casualty arm of the company
from the Home Office in downtown Los Angeles to a location in the San
Fernando Valley.  No one lost a job who wanted to keep it, and the
company worked out a formula for helping pay the cost of moving (a
percentage for a minor move, all costs for major moves - e.g., from
Orange County to the SFV).  Still, it was wrenching for many families
to uproot from their neighborhoods and communities, change kids in
schools, etc.  But more folks than I'd have guessed took the move
option. A couple of years later, after the Northridge earthquakes, the
corporate powers-that-be decided it would be best to get out of the
P/C insurance arena completely.  So it sold that part of the business
to a holding company based in Dallas, Texas.  Once again, employees
were given an option to move to keep their jobs.  But this time the
move was out of state to a place where almost no employee had family,
friends, even acquaintances.  Most took the termination package and
began looking for new jobs, some after a decade or two (or more) with
the company.

The second move was of the Life Insurance division to Kansas City.
Again, a complete culture shock for most Californians.  Not to mention
the curious (but friendly) queries that most Asian employees reported:
"Why, goodness sakes! What would a person do with a 25-lb. bag of rice,
anyway?!"  As a Filipino friend said with a grin, "Well, I'm pretty
sure my family effectively doubled the number of native Tagalog speakers
in Kansas."  A few employees were delighted with the move - they were
from the Midwest to begin with, or had family there, or didn't like
Southern California, or longed to experience real seasons, or found
major life changes bracing and growth-enhancing, or were goggle-eyed
over the palatial homes they could purchase with the cash they received
for their very middle-class houses here.

I learned some really important things watching friends and co-workers
go through these experiences.  First, I learned that you should happily
ride the corporate pony if it takes you where you want to go.  Those
folks who were moving back to pleasant memories and the chance to have
more family nearby were very happy with the moves to Texas or Kansas.
Those who pulled up roots that mattered to them, mostly from fear about
being able to find a similar (and similar-paying) job, were generally
miserable.  Second, even at a dream job, where they may tell you fre-
quently, "Gosh, we could just never replace you" - you know, they'd
manage to do so if you were killed in some freak accident where a
passing bus blew a tire and squashed you up against the side of a
building (this is known among my friends as "the bus scenario").  But
it's to be hoped that your sudden demise would in fact leave a rather
gaping hole in the lives and hearts of your friends and loved ones.
Then that's where your real priorities should be - with those who
couldn't easily go out and just hire another version of you.  If, in
fact, "family obligations make moving virtually impossible," then it
seems like that's the end of this story.  Isn't it?

Even if it IS a dream job, don't let that fact mess with your life
priorities.  Understand that everything could change at the workplace,
no matter how stable it appears to be.  Everything could also change
at home, but YOU would be central to all the equations there, and the
truth is, no one is irreplaceable at work, no matter what they may
think.

Of course you should look at all your options.  See if you could stay
on in your current capacity and NOT go into the office.  Get creative
and figure out how you could still be a vital member of the team
(you can check the archives on this - see Telecommuting - I know there
have been discussions several times before on the topic).  Sit down
with your team and tell them your dilemma - allow them to think through
it with you and come up with solutions together.  It may not be quite
so "either/or" as you think.  Maybe the go-in-on-Thursday-and-Friday,
return-home-on-Friday-night-or-Saturday-morning option would work for
you and your family.  Discuss it with them, too.  It doesn't seemd like
it's just about the money for you.  Most dream jobs AREN'T just about
money, unless that's some super-critical driver in your life.  Doesn't
sound like that's the case with you, from all your various posts over
time.

I know some folks have responded with "Gee, wish I had such a pleasant
problem" - but I don't think it really is pleasant to (apparently) have
to make choices between two aspects of your life that really matter to
you.  Best of luck.  Let us know how it all turns out.

- Marilyn Baldwin
  (mlbb -at- capgroup -dot- com)

P.S. I keep meaning to tell you how much I appreciate your great tag
     lines.  You have turned me on to some terrific stuff (Oyster Band).
     Thanks!


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