RE: What should I wear for a phone interview?

["Steve Hudson" <steve -at- wright -dot- com -dot- au>]

(To keep David happy)

So long as the material is acoustically dampened, doesn't interfere with
ears or mouth (no Burkahs or Gimp suits) and allows for complete freedom of
movement (to accomodate the vigourous masturbatory movements one makes as
one hears the std total BS that accompanies such dialogs) it will be
suitable. My pick: The Polycotton Tracksuit.

What's more important is the equipment to have at hand.

First, a computer to take notes on. If you don't own one, grab a spare,
unconnected telephone and bash on its keys whilst writing notes so you sound
switched on. Its highly unlikely you will actually need any of these notes -
if you want just retype Ipsum Lorem every time you are listening.

Second, a list of all the really neato, obscure jargon that accompanies the
position. Nothing impresses an employer more when a prospective tech writer
comes out with stuff like "Well, I am concerned that existentialistic
artefacts will become incorporated into the process if I don't employ a
redundant, late-bound, real-time synergistic editing phase" instead of
"Yeah, I sometimes make a typo, that's why its good to have another pair of
eyes check it out".

An empty 3L juice bottle for relieving yourself during lengthy conversation.

Pen and paper... computers just don't cut it for creative doodling.

Darts and a picture of the agent who put you forward for the position and
will be snaffling most of your salary.

A tape recording of your country's leader saying great job, when they ask
for a reference you just say - away from the phone "Hey Johnny (localised
for Australia), how'd I do writing up that GST thingo" and press play.

A bhong with substantial quanties of Leland Loco Weed TM. This is for the
half-hour wait after ringing HR before they can get the interview staff
together in one room. If (heavens forbid), they pick up the receiver whilst
you are mid-drag and they ask "What was that noise?", simply tell them you
were slurping up the last of your power milkshake. Beware though, overdosing
can lead you to sound like the Leland himself :-)

A revolver. When you don't get the job, you cry and say "Heartless bastards,
I gave you everything and you gave me nothing" before shooting the revolver
in the air and hanging up. At least the next tech writer will get the job
straight away.

A copy of your resume - you HAVE to keep your lies straight.

IKTDH (I Know This Doesnt Help),

Steve Hudson , Senior Recruitment Agent
Messers Grab, Loot and Run


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