A very unfortunate incident....

[Steven Oppenheimer <Steven -at- OppenheimerCommunications -dot- com>]

I just came across this on another list I subscribe too, one that deals 
with human resources issues for HR professionals.  I subscribe, mostly to 
understand how human resources professionals view the world (through 
blinders, mostly).  I just had to share this one:

"Thanks for your input.  A very unfortunate incident happened today.  One 
of my employees had a heartache [sic -- probably means "heart attack"] 
while at work.  Unfortunately, he just passed.  Is there anything special 
that needs to be done or anyone that needs to be notified in regards to 
HR.  Family members have been contacted, and Workers Comp was notified of 
the heartache [sic].  Further information on the individual he was 
part-time approx 12 hours a week and in his early 70s.
        Would this be anything that OSHA would get involved in?
        I just have never had anyone pass while at work and am still in shock.
        Thanks for your input"

Wow.  An "unfortunate incident".

So, I propose a competition.  Who can come up with the best account, from 
the perspective of an HR person, or possibly other middle or high 
management, of an "unfortunate incident"?

Here's my best crack, which may be a bit over the top....

     "Thanks for your input.  A very unfortunate incident happened 
today.  The thermonuclear event in New York, which some of you may have 
heard about on the news, has resulted in a significant change in our 
employee allocation.  Unfortunately, all the people who work for our 
company out our building in New York, passed.  Except, actually, they 
vaporize, so one of my questions is whether "vaporizing" (as opposed to 
"passing") has any implications for who needs to be notified in regard to HR.
     "Family members have been contacted, except those who were also in 
the vicinity of the unfortunate incident, and except those who have been 
conscripted now that the President has imposed martial law, and except 
those whom we can't reach because the entire phone network has collapsed, 
and except those who have apparently joined the Montanna, Idaho, and 
Wyoming "Create A Christian American Now" militia group.
     "We notified Workers Comp of the heartache, although we are not sure 
the proper paperwork has been filed, because the woman on the other end of 
the phone line was sobbing and weeping and screaming hysterically, which is 
something we think may need to be addressed by her HR department.  Further 
information is that we lost 675 individuals to the unfortunate 
thermonuclear vaporization incident in New York, so we are now seeking a 
new staff for our entire departments of engineering, marketing, and 
legal.  Any leads would be appreciated.  (Monster.com seems to be down, and 
our own IT director just shot himself, which is another unfortunate 
incident, so we are having troubles accessing old resumes on our file server.)
     Would this be anything that OSHA would get involved in?  I just have 
never had anyone get thermonuclearly vaporized while at work and am still 
in shock.  Fortunately we have our corporate sponsored yoga class here at 
work this evening, so I think I'll be okay after that.  Thanks for your input."

Any other contributors?

Steven Oppenheimer
Oppenheimer Communications
Technical and Business Writing:  From Complexity To Clarity
Steven -at- OpComm -dot- com   www.OpComm.com   (301) 468-9233


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