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For some reason, this thread piqued my interest. I found an
interesting book excerpt about shy people and loving
relationships...that has, I think, applicability to other situations
as well:
" To be shy is to have one's actions(or lack of them) misunderstood,
misinterpreted and
misread by others. An extreme fear of the pain of anxiety prevents
the shy person from taking the kinds of action that are in accordance
with his or her values, wishes, knowledge and rational judgment. More
simply put, shyness inhibits people from assuming a sense of
responsibility for their behavior. It makes them feel and truly
believe that they are
not in the "driver's seat" of their own lives and destinies. Shy
people disclaim responsibility
for their inaction and for their seemingly(to others) unfriendly,
detached attitude. This
inability to effectively deal with the interpersonal anxiety which for
them accompanies normal social intercourse makes them feel that they
are not "in charge of" or responsible for their own lives and for the
behavior which they manifest to others."
Shyness & Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatment by Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin
University Press of America, Inc., 1987
From: http://www.angelfire.com/ab6/polepino/toc.html#chapter1
If I read this correctly...and if it is right...shyness can be an
impediment to doing an effective job when social relations are
important. That seems to be the case in this (original) situation.
I agree that there are many barriers to overcome in doing the tech
writing job--including, all too often, finding methods of dealing with
developers who will not easily and voluntarily cooperate!
Thus, if "shyness" is allowed to be an excuse for us not to be
effective in getting the information we need in a timely fashion, we
are simply not doing the job needed.
Assertiveness skills, which as others have indicated *can* be learned,
seem therefore in situations like this to be a valuable professional
tool for tech writers.
It also seems to me to be extremely interesting that some of the
people who apparently are themselves on the shy side seem to have
interpreted the original suggestions as being "aggressive." This
interpretation, itself, seems to be an indicator of that kind of
shyness and not reflective of the original description. What was
suggested was being assertive, yes, but tempering it with humor--quite
far from being "aggressive."
Distinguishing between the two ideas--understanding that being
assertive is not necessarily being aggressive--is itself a valuable
part of understanding the emotional feelings surrounding a shyness
problem, I believe.
Interestingly enough, our local PBS station last night had an
independent film short from Japan, in which a young man and a young
woman who had known each other in preschool were on the same commuter
train every day for three years--each too shy to speak to the other.
When at last they did, they found that their fears had been
groundless--and they realized they had hesitated all that time for no
reason, although each had strongly wanted to be reacquainted. The film
was much more charming than I am probably making it seem--but it is
merely an illustration of the assumptions that people make when they
are shy regarding how others will respond to any social overtures from
them.
Someone asked "how to you begin to overcome shyness?" I suggest that
understanding what is at its root is helpful, then to develop the
habit of asking yourself "What is the worst that can happen if I
speak?" Usually, the "worst that can happen" isn't all that bad--and,
even if the "worst" happens, you are prepared. Once known,
fear-inducing events become much more reasonably proportioned and,
thus, easier by far to deal with.
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