RE: The 'user' in User Manual

["Lauren" <lt34 -at- csus -dot- edu>]

If the sentence stands alone and the passage makes no reference to this
being directed to a new user setup, then there is ambiguity, but the
ambiguity is in the passage and not the sentence.  I haven't read the
passage that this sentence should support, but my guess is that it could
read as follows.

In an administration document:
"Setup the new user.  Have the new user login. The system displays the new
user welcome message at the first successful login."

In a user document:
"Login and the system will display the new user welcome message after the
first successful login."

Referring to "you" in a document sounds harsh, so I do not use the pronoun.
Different style guides may have different sets of rules for the use of
pronouns, but I have never read a sentence written with "you" that is more
approachable than the same sentence written in an active voice without the
pronoun.

Different views do exist.  We all adopt styles that feel best to us.
According to CMOS, the tone chosen for formal documents depends on the tone
the owner of the document chooses to project
http://www.chicagomanualofstyle.org/CMS_FAQ/Pronouns/Pronouns02.html.  CMOS
online also states that "As an imperative, the second-person pronoun you may
usually be either used or omitted without changing the meaning: You come
here! is the same as Come here!"  I prefer the minimalist approach and write
without the pronouns because the completed work is more concise without the
unnecessary words.

"The Mayfield Handbook of Technical & Scientific Writing" discusses that the
"Imperative Mood" is appropriate for instructions but is too direct, so
impolite, for readers of some documents.
http://www.imoat.net/handbook/m-impera.htm

What reads best in this particular case, is what the reader is most likely
to accept.  As I have said previously, choose a convention and be consistent
with respect to that convention.  Additionally, pronouns should be used
sparingly when they are used.  I mentioned the user manual that I read that
included "you" in every sentence.  Granted, that was consistent, but it was
also very excessive and subsequently annoying.  I have read other bad
documents that will go as far to say "Login and you will see the new user
screen."  "You will see" is an excessive use of the pronoun because who else
is looking?  Where else could the user look?  What else could happen?  What
if the login is incorrect and the user does not see the screen?  And does
the screen really have anything to do with what the user "sees"?  No.  The
screen is a system feature after a successful login.  It has nothing to do
with what the "user" sees.  The "system" displays the screen.

Anyway,
Lauren

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Steve Read [mailto:steve -at- readonly -dot- com] 
> Sent: Monday, February 12, 2007 1:14 PM
> To: Lauren
> Cc: 'Techwr-l'
> Subject: Re: The 'user' in User Manual
> 
> At the very first login ever in history by anyone? By using 
> "the first time you login," that ambiguity disappears.
> 
> Steve
> 
> Lauren wrote:
> > I would avoid the pronouns and the passive voice.
> >
> > "The system displays the new user welcome message at the 
> first login."
> >
> > Lauren
> >
> >   
> >> -----Original Message-----
> >> From: techwr-l-bounces+lt34=csus -dot- edu -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> >> [mailto:techwr-l-bounces+lt34=csus -dot- edu -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com] 
> On Behalf 
> >> Of Tara Charter
> >> Sent: Monday, February 12, 2007 9:26 AM
> >> To: Techwr-l
> >> Subject: Re: The 'user' in User Manual
> >>
> >> 4th: "Upon initial login, the system displays the new user welcome 
> >> message."
> >>
> >> Sarah Bouchier wrote:
> >>
> >>     
> >>>> In my opinion, using 'you" in instructions  sounds like verbally
> >>>>         
> >>> stabbing
> >>>       
> >>>> a
> >>>> finger at the reader. In some contexts, and to some
> >>>>         
> >> people, that is
> >>     
> >>>> not rude. In others, however, it is.
> >>>>         
> >>> I think we're all agreed that instructions should use the
> >>>       
> >> imperative
> >>     
> >>> :) In my experience, however, it's not in the actual instructions 
> >>> where the need to actually pick 1st, 2nd or 3rd person
> >>>       
> >> creeps in, it's
> >>     
> >>> in the descriptive or conditional bits round the edges.  
> >>>       
> >> For example:
> >>     
> >>> 2nd: "The first time you log in, you will see the new 
> user welcome 
> >>> message."
> >>> 3rd: "The first time the user logs in, they will see the new user 
> >>> welcome message."
> >>> Passive: "Upon initial login, the new user welcome 
> message will be 
> >>> presented."
> >>>
> >>> None of them are +wrong+, but as a user I'd be more
> >>>       
> >> comfortable with
> >>     
> >>> the first.
> >>>
> >>> -----------------------------------------
> >>> Sarah Bouchier
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