Re: Grammar Q what about the use of I?

[Craig Haiss <craighaiss -at- yahoo -dot- com>]

--- Caroline Tabach <caroline -dot- tabach -at- gmail -dot- com> wrote:

> You were all talking about You, but how about the
> use of I!
> Here is a piece of (technical) writing I have just
> come across
> (needless to say I did not write this and I do not
> know who did). We
> have paragraph after paragraph. The customer, I and
> then you!
> "Using the automatic maintenance feature, customers
> can decide how
> often they wish to backup data, and how long to
> store them... This can
> be done by setting the "Export" and "Delete"
> options.
> 
> For example, if I want to store date  for two weeks
> and back up daily,
> I can set the system to "Delete" data older than 14
> days and "Export"
> it every 1 day. .....
> .....
> Using this GUI-driven feature, you can easily
> maintain your system
> with zero database skills."

It's a bit confusing, but it sure makes you feel like
everyone is working together to complete the
procedure, doesn't it!

Consistency aside, you gain a lot of brevity by
ditching it "I". For the sake of some 5a.m. mental
exercise, here's my rewrite of that part of the
example...

"Example: To store data for two weeks and back up
daily, set the system to delete data older than 14
days and export data daily."

Less words. (But also less fun, I know. Maybe a
blinking font could add some zing?)

I'm going to go find my coffee cup now and wake myself
up.

-Craig Haiss
craighaiss -at- yahoo -dot- com

10 brilliant help ideas from Microsoft Office 2007
http://techwr-qa.blogspot.com/2008/01/10-brilliant-help-ideas-from-microsoft.html




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