RE: Repeat the verb?

["Combs, Richard" <richard -dot- combs -at- Polycom -dot- com>]

Pinkham, Jim wrote:
 
> I'm voting with Kathleen. Adding the pronoun provides a 
> second independent clause and a very clear 
> subject-verb-object construction.

I'm with Kathleen, too. The parallelism of two independent clauses makes
the sentence much easier to follow, IMHO. Of course, the comma stays in
that case. 

I have one other suggestion: it should be "_the_ manner," not "_a_
manner." Logically, there's only _one_ manner that _most_ effectively
enables <blah><blah>. So here's the edited sentence: 

---The bank should have clear standards for the collection and
modification of all elements, and it should combine these elements in
the manner that most effectively enables it to quantify its exposure to
operational risk. 

Still, that dependent clause is pretty awkward. Is the superlative
really necessary? How about this: 

---The bank should have clear standards for the collection and
modification of all elements, and it should combine these elements in a
manner that enables it to quantify its exposure to operational risk. 

OK, I'll quit now. :-)

Richard


------
Richard G. Combs
Senior Technical Writer
Polycom, Inc.
richardDOTcombs AT polycomDOTcom
303-223-5111
------
rgcombs AT gmailDOTcom
303-777-0436
------







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