RE: Wrong? Poor style? OK?

Subject: RE: Wrong? Poor style? OK?
From: David Hailey <david -dot- hailey -at- usu -dot- edu>
To: "techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com" <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com>
Date: Wed, 25 Mar 2009 07:48:28 -0600

I really think Michael is right on this. In documentation (which this seems to be) brief and to the point is valuable."

David E. Hailey, Jr., Ph.D.
Associate Professor
Professional and Technical Communication
Utah State University

david -dot- hailey -at- usu -dot- edu
1 435 797 2741

Dave

-----Original Message-----
From: techwr-l-bounces+david -dot- hailey=usu -dot- edu -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com [mailto:techwr-l-bounces+david -dot- hailey=usu -dot- edu -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com] On Behalf Of Michael West
Sent: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 5:52 AM
To: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
Subject: Re: Wrong? Poor style? OK?

Nancy asked:

> Does this sentence violate a grammatical principle,
> is it stylistically poor, or is it OK, in your opinion:

> "There are two ways to control how test results are saved."


It violates no important grammatical principle, but as an instructional
sentence it sucks bigtime because it doesn't tell me, as a performer of
actions, what the hell I'm supposed to DO!

If your intention is to tell me how to "save test results", then be upfront
about it.

For example, you could say: "If you want a result that looks like THIS, then
choose THIS option. If you want results that look like THAT, then choose
THAT option."

The problem is that you are not treating the reader as someone who can
effect a certain result, based on a specific choice.

Instead, you are just saying "this happens" and "that happens" as if the
user's preference was totally incidental to the outcome.

Speak directly to your user!

--
Mike West


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References:
Re: Wrong? Poor style? OK?: From: Michael West

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