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Subject:[HUMOR] Why did the chicken cross the road? From:Joyce Flaherty <flahertj -at- SMTPGW -dot- LIEBERT -dot- COM> Date:Wed, 1 Mar 1995 09:47:50 EST
> Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a
> chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but
> also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with
> such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely
> chicken's dominion maintained.
> Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
> pancreas.
> Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
> within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is
> equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because
> structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
> Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find
> out.
> Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would
> let it take.
> Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
> Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes
> also across you.
> B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its
> sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it
> would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of
> its own free will.
> Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated
> that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and
> therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
> Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the
> chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
> Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the
> objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which
> caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
> Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
> the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
> Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
> Buddha: If you meet the chicken on the road, kill it.
> Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
> events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian
> biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly
> relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
> Salvador Dali: The Fish.
> Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
> Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
> Epicurus: For fun.
> Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
> Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
> Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
> Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was
> on, but it was moving very fast.
> David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
> Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
> reason.
> Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
> The Sphinx: You tell me.
> Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
> Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out
> of life.
> Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
> Molly Yard: It was a hen!
> Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
