[HUMOR] Translations

[Joyce Flaherty <flahertj -at- SMTPGW -dot- LIEBERT -dot- COM>]

Enjoy, joyce


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Subject: Poor English Translations
Date:    3/22/95 9:36 AM


Poor English Translations

In a Tokyo Hotel:
     "Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.  If you are not a
     person to do such thing is please not to read notis."

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
     "The lift is being fixed for the next day.  During that time
     we regret that you will be unbearable."

In a Leipzig elevator:
     "Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up."

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
     "To more the cabin, push button for wishing floor.  If the
     cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a
     number of wishing floor.  Driving is then going alphabetically
     by national order."

In a Paris hotel elevator:
     "Please leave your values at the front desk."

In a hotel in Athens:
     "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
     hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery:
     "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian
     and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily
     except Thursday."

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
     "Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in
     the boots of ascension."

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
     "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
     "Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy
     dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose;
     beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
     "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
     "Drop your trousers here for best results."

Outside a Paris dress shop:
     "Dresses for street walking."

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
     "Order your summers suit.  Because is big rush we will execute
     customers in strict rotation."

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
     "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet
     Republic painters and sculptors.  These were executed over the
     past two years."

A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
     "It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site
     that people of different sex, for instance, men and women,
     live together in one tent unless they are married with each
     other for that purpose."

In a Zurich hotel:
     "Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
     opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be
     used for this purpose."

In and advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
     "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
     "Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
     miscarriages."

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
     "We take your bags and send them in all directions."

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
     "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to
       it."

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
     "ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."

In a Budapest zoo:
     "Please do not feed the animals.  If you have any suitable
     food, give it to the guard on duty."

In the office of a Roman doctor:
     "Specialist in women and other diseases."

In a Tokyo shop:
     "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are
     best in the long run."

>From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner:
     "Cooles and Heates:  If you want just condition of warm in
     your room, please control yourself."

>From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
     "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
     Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
     your passage then tootle him with vigor."

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
     "- English well talking."
     "- Here speeching American."