Re: Semantics and considerate usage

["Arlen P. Walker" <Arlen -dot- P -dot- Walker -at- JCI -dot- COM>]

      I can't account for what happened to Hayakawa in his later years,
      perhaps the stress of politics proved too much for him. His main point,
      however, was that words != things. By consensus they represent things,
      but the words themselves are not the same as the things they represent.

      Hayakawa's legacy should be that people ought not to complain that
      someone else is making them feel worthless, then insist that someone
      else should be the one to do something about it.

<unfolds portable pulpit and steps up on fortuitously available soapbox>

I couldn't agree with Gwen more on this. We need to lose the "victim mentality"
that is already beginning to paralyse us. We need to harken back to our
childhood. "Sticks and Stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me."
The simple truth is, unlike physical acts, words can only hurt us if we let
them. Words need our active co-operation in order to do damage. Words by
themselves are merely vibrations of the air when spoken, ink residue on a page
when written. They have only as much power over us as we let them have.

It's not the words which cause the damage, it's our reaction to them. An
illustrative anecdote:

My wife wanted to be a forensic scientist and work in a crime lab. Her chemistry
professor told her she would never be any good in it, because she couldn't do
math. She believed him, and gave up her dream. After we were married she went
back to school for a second degree (her first was criminology).  She thought
she'd do Physical Therapy this time, but she got sidetracked by another field
she ran into while going to school. What was the field? Accounting. This time
she didn't listen to the voice from her childhood that insisted she couldn't do
math. And what do you know? She succeeded.

It would be easy and painless to blame her chemistry prof's words for the loss
of her dream, and the subsequent events. But the truth of the matter is that his
words didn't do anything, she did it herself. She gave it up. She agreed, she
co-operated fully in the destruction of her dream. When she confronted this,
when she realized the real problem was her reaction, not his words, she broke
through.

We can't control what other people do or say. There will be nasty people trying
to stop us from being happy forever. It's part of life. We can't control them.
But we *can* control our reaction to them. And only by doing that will we ever
achieve progress. Progress is never made by restraining others, but only by
advancing ourselves.

<stepping off soapbox, and folding portable pulpit>

To relate this back to the list. Yes, by all means, try not to offend people in
your writing. But don't be surprised if they take offense anyway; as sure as the
sun rises, some will. You can't control their reaction, only your own. Weigh the
claim of offense for yourself. They could be right. But they might not be.
Examine it, look at it, and yourself, closely. Some claims will be reasonable.
Correct yourself when they are. But don't be afraid to refuse the unreasonable
claims.

Have fun,
Arlen
Chief Managing Director In Charge, Department of Redundancy Department
DNRC 124

Arlen -dot- P -dot- Walker -at- JCI -dot- Com
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