Re: Using "things" in prose

[Rose Wilcox <RWILC -at- FAST -dot- DOT -dot- STATE -dot- AZ -dot- US>]

Barbara Hallnan wrote:
>my editor changed:

> You are ready to move mail messages if you have:
>       - Created ....
>       - Moved ...

> to

> When you have done the following things, you are ready to move
> mail messages:
>       - Created ...
>       - Moved ...

How about:

You are ready to move messages, after you have:
* Created....
* Placated your editor....

I like yours a little better because:
1) the second examples moves the call-out to the beginning of the sentence,
introducing another idea before the list (awkward construction),
2) many of us are prejudiced against the word "following" to introduce
something that is so obviously following that it seems redundant to announce
that the list is following,
3) "Things" is okay when I'm speaking to my family or friends, such as in
"Honey, did you remember to turn the thing off before you left?"  but in
technical writing, it's rarely needed.  The "thing" in the sentence is a
"task".

The problems with the first one is simply backwards construction.  I don't
know the context, but shouldn't it read more like:
1.  Move....
2.  Create....
3.  Now you are ready to move the messages....

But considering I don't know the context, I think the first example is
superior and would maybe use the word "after" to make the time relationship
more obvious.

Rosie A. (the 'A' stands for "Awkward Construction") Wilcox
rwilc -at- fast -dot- dot -dot- state -dot- az -dot- us
ncrowe -at- primenet -dot- com
"With the pride of the artist, you must blow against the walls of every
power that exists, the small trumpet of your defiance."
Norman Mailer