Re: Sentence structure

[Robert Plamondon <robert -at- PLAMONDON -dot- COM>]

Well, for one thing, the question has nothing to do with sentence
structure.  It's about structuring concepts within a document.  The
problems given in the example have no solution at the sentence level.

>  A. To drive a car, first go to the department of transportation and apply
>  for a driver's license.
>  B. Go to the department of transportation and apply for a driver's
>  license before driving a car.

Furthermore, neither sentence is technically accurate, which makes
it difficult for me to form a preference.  I already have a driver's
license, so I don't need to apply for one.  This is true of most
drivers.  For non-drivers, simply applying for a driver's license
does not empower them to proceed to the next step; they need to
receive the license they applied for, which probably means that they
have to receive training.

(Thus, you gotta be careful about the examples you post.  Good examples
are difficult to construct, and flaws spin people off into lengthy
digressions like mine.)

But, anyway, the main point in writing successful step-by-step
instructions is that the reader should understand what he's doing.
If you can trust the reader to read an entire sentence at a time,
then the sentence structure is more or less irrelevant:  I can say,

"A. It's illegal to drive on public roads without a driver's
license, so get a driver's license before doing so"

or

"B. If you don't have a driver's license, don't drive on public
roads, because it's illegal."

or

"C. Only licensed drivers are allowed to drive on public roads."

or even

"D. Driving on public roads, being a privilege granted by license
by the state, can not be done lawfully unless a valid license
has been obtained from the appropriate authority."

It doesn't matter.  They're just single sentences, not WAR AND
PEACE.

But, at the paragraph level, the enumerated step level, the section
level, and the document level, it all make a great deal of
difference.

Personally, I think that you should always clue the reader into the
nature of the procedure and the consequences of his actions.  Don't
write steps like this:

1. Pull the left-hand lever upward sharply.
2. Pull the right-hand lever upward sharply.
3. You have now been ejected from the airplane.

I much prefer the following style:

TO EJECT FROM THE AIRPLANE
1. Pull the left-hand lever upward sharply.  This will eject the
   canopy.
2. Pull the right-hand lever upward sharply.  This will eject you
   from the airplane.

Whether the sentences inside each step are reversed is up to you.
The awful import of the user's actions was given in the heading.
After that, the sentences can more or less take care of themselves.

Similarly, my wife prefers a style of giving directions like this:

  1. Go to the end of the driveway.
  2. Turn left.
  3. At the first light, move into the left-turn lane.
  4. Turn left.
  5. Take the second exit.
  6. Turn right at the third light.
  7. Turn left at the first light.

(Well, I'm exaggerating slightly, but not much).  Here's how
I give directions:

  To get to WEITEK from my house:

        WEITEK: 1060 E. Arques Ave, Sunnyvale CA 94086
        (Between Lawrence and Commercial on Arques)

  1. Go to the end of the driveway.
  2. Turn left (north) onto N. First Street.
  3. Get onto Highway 237 Westbound by turning left at the light at
     the top of the overpass.
  4. Take the Lawrence Expwy exit, and head south on Lawrence.
  5. Turn right on Arques Avenue (the third light).
  6. Turn left into the Mitsubishi campus at Santa Trinita (first
     light).

Note that I give three different sets of directions:
1. I give the address.
2. I locate it with respect to major cross-streets.
3. I give a route from a specific starting place.

Furthermore, my route has actual street names (and, for the limited-
access roads, the direction of travel).  A set of "turn left, turn
right" directions form a conceptual blindfold -- even after
traversing the route, you're unlikely to know where you've been.
Naming streets makes it more likely that the route will be learned,
that mistakes will be discovered and corrected, and that errors
in the directions themselves will not be catastrophic.

So, anyway, tell the reader where he's going, in addition to how to
get there.  It helps.

        -- Robert