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Okay, I know this isn't a humor group, but given the recent discussions
about interview and appropriate reference books, this somehow seems
apropros. Please just enjoy it and don't beat me up over it. Thanks.
These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed
in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine:
1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet
progroms.
3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
6. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
7. Its best for employers that I not work with people.
8. Let's meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
9. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
10. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
11. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No
commitments.
13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs ... Please feel free to
respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one
and absolutely nothing.
16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no
training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
18. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain
store.
21. Note: Please dont miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have
never quit a job.
22. Marital status: often. Children: various.
23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees
get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under
those conditions.
24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous
employers.
25. Finished eighth in my class of ten.
26. References: None. Ive left a path of destruction behind me.
