HUMOR: The Truth about Technical Writing

[Andrew Plato <intrepid_es -at- YAHOO -dot- COM>]

I am currently working as a unemployed bum and I wanted to move into a new
profession where I could do less work, make more money, and belittle people in
the process.  During the course of my researching various parallel universes
where my intense hatred of people and extreme sloth could shine, I made contact
with a writer at a networking company who painted a dreadfully gloomy picture
of life as a technical writer.

This person in question was required to work five days a week for as much as 7
or 8 hours.  The work required him to sit at a computer and type these
"documents".  Enticed into technical writing with handsome offers of free sex
and unlimited crack cocaine, this unamed secret source revealed to me how his
boss actually required him to remain sober - ALL DAY! There were no drugs
anywhere, and the free sex involved some Internet thing.

The warning I recieved was clear: DON'T BECOME A TECHNICAL WRITER WITHOUT A
SACK OF DRUGS!

My case worker went on to tell me about the work areas these "technical
communicators" had to use.  Small 10 x 9 "cubicles" with drab, blue polyester
coverings.  "Putty" colored desks and chairs that did not even recline.
Humming, whirring "computing devices" that emitted dangerous Phalxian
Radiation.

One of the stories my case worker told me was about a woman who was working in
one of these places and then was required to move to another "cubicle."  Unable
to cope with this stress, she exploded spraying her entrails all over the
office. Psychologists thoughout the world have a term for this: Explosive
Writer Syndrome. It is a serious problem for these "employees".  The stress of
having to work without heavy drug use is too great so they spontaneously
exploded (as opposed prudently exploding).

Moreover, I heard that the price of plastic hub cap grommets and compact disk
washers is outrageous for technical writers.  They spend rediculous amounts of
money on these basics, well beyond justifiable levels. I heard about a person
who had to assinate the Queen of Paraguay just to earn enough money to buy a
copy of Microsoft Word.  Oh the horror.  She was then forced, at gun point by
large, sweaty men with shotguns to make Word handle images without getting that
big red X.

Lastly, the employers think it is okay to require you to meet deadlines and
delivery quality work.  Who do these people think we are? Zombie Computer God
Automata?  I mean come on, this is just absurd. I have a certificate in
Advanced Hyperbole from the Universidad de los Whatjamihigger.  I did not fill
out a card and mail in $19.95 to be your little slave buster!  I am going home
to get high and wash my dishes in the bathtub.

Well, needless to say these reports of "work" and "documentation" so chilled my
blood that I decided to fold myself into a unidimensional mass-less quark and
trigger a subspace implosion.  Technical writing may provide one of the last
areas for excessive whining, but I am afraid I cannot over look this "work"
thing.  I hope the rest of you can heed this timeworn advice.

Marcel Proust
Inhuman Drudgering, Inc.
Senior Complainer
Author of "That Book Everyone Hates"
789 pages about a brick.

_________________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com

 From ??? -at- ??? Sun Jan 00 00:00:00 0000=