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"Do I use the default screengrab and risk them not knowingwhat I'm
talkingabout when I mention the Start Date field?
Or do I use a screengrab showing all the various options that might
appear (there's about 4 optional fields) and risk them going 'My dialog
box isn't like that!'."
I recently finished a software manual with similar circumstances. I
chose to show the screen grab with all various options, along with a
short note indicating that some of the fields shown will not appear
until you select a particular option. Which, in my case, was then
clearly spelled out in the instructions that followed the dialog box.
Don't know how much room you've got on a 1-page reference card.
Depending on how many such options there are in the dialog box, perhaps
you could use callouts to point to each option and say "click xxx to
display this field".