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I vote for dropping the comma and repeating the modal. I'd repeat the modal for a) clarity and b) a nice parallelism/rhythm in a lengthy sentence.
One other question--In operations/compliance documentation that I worked on for a bank, the word "Bank" was always capitalized. Was this an idiosyncracy of that institution or is this industry practice? (I was told it is industry practice.)
Kaye Adkins
>>> Nancy Allison <maker -at- verizon -dot- net> 4/22/2008 10:12 AM >>>
Please note: a bulleted list is not permissible in this document. It's not the style. And, because the document is describing complex regulatory requirements and relationships, sentences tend to be dense and full. I rewrite the worst, and I consider this sentence to be borderline, but I'm going to leave it as is. There's too much else to do on the doc in the time I have.
Having provided that context, I ask you this: if you had to incorporate the following sentence as is (and not break it into two sentences, or a bulleted list, or anything else that a reasonably talented tech writer would immediately do), which version would you use? And, please tell me if you would add or remove any punctuation:
---The bank should have clear standards for the collection and modification of all elements, and should combine these elements in a manner that most effectively enables it to quantify its exposure to operational risk.
---The bank should have clear standards for the collection and modification of all elements, and combine these elements in a manner that most effectively enables it to quantify its exposure to operational risk.
I always want to repeat the modal auxiliary; it seems too hard to wade through the first long noun phrase and instantly remember that auxiliary when you hit the second base verb form. However, I have been informed that this type of repetition is "bad English."
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