RE: Coworker who won't take no for an answer

["Leonard C. Porrello" <Leonard -dot- Porrello -at- SoleraTec -dot- com>]

I agree with Bonnie and Connie. Here's why. Of the unwanted suitor, you
said, "He is a gifted programmer, a brilliant young guy probably in his
late twenties. He's also very pushy." The thing that stands out to me in
your description is that you didn't list any redeeming personal
qualities. As you describe him, the guy sounds like a jerk at best and a
certifiable narcissist at worst. As I read it, "very pushy" =
generalized boundary problems. You need to keep this in mind as you
figure out how to deal with him. Also keep in mind that he isn't giving
you or your sons the same concern and thoughtfulness that you have given
him by starting this thread. He's thinking only about what he wants, and
his behavior indicates that he views you as an object to be manipulated,
not unlike a difficult piece of code.

The thing that really concerns me is that I can easily imagine the
situation turning against you. Granted that, I wonder if a middle road
(between reporting him and not reporting him) would be best. If you have
a good manager, it's probably time to talk to him about this guy's
behavior. I would leave out your speculation about whether or not the
programmer has a crush. He can't honestly deny the behavior but he can
deny having a crush, and if he does that, you will lose credibility. I'd
start by talking to your manager about what has happened to this point,
and then ask him how he thinks you should deal with the guy. If you
don't have a good manager, it is probably time to go to HR (granted they
are competent).

Here's another idea, does the company have a published harassment
policy? Next time this guy harasses you, you might just have a copy
ready and hand it to him. Just a thought.

Leonard

-----Original Message-----
From: techwr-l-bounces+leonard -dot- porrello=soleratec -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
[mailto:techwr-l-bounces+leonard -dot- porrello=soleratec -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- c
om] On Behalf Of Bonnie Granat
Sent: Tuesday, July 29, 2008 8:42 AM
To: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
Subject: RE: Coworker who won't take no for an answer

"Hobby shop"? What is that hobby? 

You are how many years older than he is?

Are you sure it's not your sons he's after?

Sounds very creepy to me.

Sounds like your cubicle neighbor are already witnesses. What does the
most
senior of them suggest you do?

I would talk to my manager immediately.


Bonnie Granat
http://www.GranatEdit.com
 

> -----Original Message-----
> From: 
> techwr-l-bounces+bgranat=granatedit -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com 
> [mailto:techwr-l-bounces+bgranat=granatedit -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l
> .com] On Behalf Of Blount, Patricia A
> Sent: Tuesday, July 29, 2008 9:50 AM
> To: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> Subject: Coworker who won't take no for an answer
> 
> Good morning, all,
> 
> I find myself in a precarious situation and wondered if you 
> might advise
> me...
> 


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