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There's nothing inherently wrong with using a subordinate clause. The point is that you put what should be the main predicate of the sentence (that the InfoWindow opens when a marker or bubble is tapped) in the subordinate clause and the additional predicate (that the window has a black background with white text) in the main clause.
But now that you've clarified that the audience for your document is report developers, I have to question even more strongly whether the description of the on-screen appearance really is necessary (or even relevant) to the developer successfully constructing a report. It seems to me that the details of the window's appearance are probably completely irrelevant to someone who is only interacting with those windows programmatically.
-Fred Ridder
> From: rhaber -at- microstrategy -dot- com
> To: lporrello -at- illumina -dot- com; dossy -at- panoptic -dot- com
> Subject: RE: Synonym for "cycle through"
> Date: Fri, 14 Oct 2011 15:52:54 +0000
> CC: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
>
> Hello, all. Thank you very much for the feedback, it's been very helpful.
>
> (1) I made a glaring mistake in embedding a subordinate clause like I did.
> (2) This part of the document is written in the 3rd person because the it is not actually addressing the end-user. The reader is a report developer, almost certainly distinct from the final report viewer - "the user."
>
> I am really grateful for the feedback that "cycle through" is perfectly acceptable. It's a nice ego stroke on a rainy day. I also appreciate the feedback as to why it might not be the best word (thank you, Leonard). Rather than go to bat over this particular phrase (you gotta pick your battles, right?) I will use one of the alternatives suggested.
>
> Thank you all very much! This is a pretty cool place.
>
> - Ryan
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Porrello, Leonard [mailto:lporrello -at- illumina -dot- com]
> Sent: Friday, October 14, 2011 11:45 AM
> To: 'Dossy Shiobara'; Haber, Ryan
> Cc: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> Subject: RE: Synonym for "cycle through"
>
> Reminiscent of "power cycle" (as a verb, as in "power cycle your Droid"), "cycle through" denotes a process one implements from beginning to end without stopping along the way. This, however, is not how Dossy interpreted your text. That leaves me confused about what you are trying to say. My problem isn't so much with "cycle through" as it is with the possibility that "cycle through" isn't what you really mean.
>
> Apart from that issue, I would support Dossy's "suggestion" that you rewrite so as to avoid using a complex sentence with the dependent clause embedded in the middle of it.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: techwr-l-bounces+lporrello=illumina -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com [mailto:techwr-l-bounces+lporrello=illumina -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com] On Behalf Of Dossy Shiobara
> Sent: Friday, October 14, 2011 8:17 AM
> To: Haber, Ryan
> Cc: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
> Subject: Re: Synonym for "cycle through"
>
> "The InfoWindow opens when a marker or bubble is tapped. It has a black
> background with white text. When multiple markers are close to each
> other, the InfoWindow will also include arrows for navigating to the
> desired marker. The report metrics are displayed in the InfoWindow in
> the order that they are listed on the report."
>
> If the ask here is to use a more buzzwordy term, you could try
> "paginate" instead, e.g. "When multiple markers are close to each other,
> the InfoWindow will also include arrows for pagination between the
> nearby markers."
>
>
> On 10/14/11 10:57 AM, Haber, Ryan wrote:
> > In a document I have written:
> >
> > "The InfoWindow, which opens when a marker or bubble is tapped, has a black background with white text. If multiple markers are close to each other, the InfoWindow includes arrows to let the user cycle through those markers. The report metrics are displayed in the InfoWindow in the order that they are listed on the report."
> >
> > I am told that "cycle through" isn't appropriate to technical writing, but can't think of a better phrase, though one must exist.
> >
> > Any ideas?
>
> --
> Dossy Shiobara | "He realized the fastest way to change
> dossy -at- panoptic -dot- com | is to laugh at your own folly -- then you
>http://panoptic.com/ | can let go and quickly move on." (p. 70)
> * WordPress * jQuery * MySQL * Security * Business Continuity *
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