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I don't see any problem with it the way it is, given the examples you show. I see no problem with addressing the reader directly, and I have no issues with using "will" in stating actions. I've never understood or agreed with the idea that you can't do those things. What matters most of all is the information being complete and accurate.
From: Anonymous <anonymous -at- techwhirl -dot- com>
Subject: Advice on rewriting translated ops manuals
To: "Techwr-l" <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com>
Date: Tuesday, June 25, 2013, 10:34 AM
Anonymous has a new challenge, and asks for the list's advice on handling.
Please make your replies directly to the list, as they cannot be forwarded.
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Greetings,
I need some advice.
I've been asked to review and edit some Ops manuals from our Chinese tech
pubs department for a product we will be selling domestically. It appears
that the manual was written in Chinese and then translated into English. It
is in bad shape. I don't have access to their style guide, but I've noticed
that they use the pronoun "you" in their manuals and we don't in our
manuals. For example, "Use [Quick Admit] only if you do not have the time
or information to fully admit a patient. " and "You can transfer a patient
with an XYZ or ABC to a new location without re-entering the patient
demographic information or changing the settings. "
They also use "will" throughout the manual and we do not. For example, "Select
a patient and then click [Import]. Then the monitor *will* update the
information for the corresponding patient." We would write, "Select a
patient and then click [Import]. The monitor updates the information for
the corresponding patient."
I'm uncomfortable re-writing this manual based on our style guide even
though it is for our US clients and not theirs because I don't want them to
feel snubbed. I'm also not sure if this manual has been translated yet (I
have asked the project manager to find out), so that will be a factor in
how much I change as they are VERY cost conscious and likely will not want
to pay for so many updates.
Gentle opinions are welcome.
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