Virus Humor (LONG APPEND)

[Lori Lathrop <lathropl -at- MAIL -dot- FWS -dot- GOV>]

   A friend sent this to me; I don't know where it originated.

   Beware of the following new computer viruses...

   Federal Bureaucrat Virus -- Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
      little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of
      which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

   Dan Quayle Virus -- Their is sumthing rong with your compueter, ewe
      just can't figyour out watt.

   Gallup Poll Virus -- Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 38%
      of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 margin
      of error)

   Paul Revere Virus -- Revolutionary virus doesn't horse around.  It
      warns you of impending hard disk attack once if by LAM, twice if
      by C.

   Politically Correct Virus -- Never calls itself a "virus" but instead
      refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism."

   Right to Life Virus -- Won't allow you to delete a file regardless of
      how old it is.  If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to
      first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

   Ross Perot Virus -- Activates every component in your system just before
      the whole thing quits.

   Mario Cuomo Virus -- It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

   Oprah Winfry Virus -- Your 200 megabyte hard drive suddenly shrinks
      to 80 MB, then slowly expands back to 200 MB.

   AT&T Virus -- Every three minutes it tells you what great service you're
      getting.

   MCI Virus -- Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too
      much for the AT&T Virus.

   Ted Turner Virus -- Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

   Arnold Schwarzennegger Virus -- Terminates and stays resident.  It'll
      be back.

   Government Economist Virus -- Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
      software says everything is fine.

   New World Order Virus -- Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people
      really mad just thinking it's fine.

   Terry Randle Virus -- Ye;;s "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose
      "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

   Texas Virus -- Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

   Adam and Eve Virus -- Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

   Michael Jackson Virus -- Hard to identify because it is constantly
      altering its appearance.  This virus won't harm your PC, but
      it will trash your car.

   Congressional Virus I -- The computer locks up, screen splits
      erratically, altering a message appearing on each half blaming
      the other side for the problem.

   Congressional Virus II -- Runs every program on the hard drive
      simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

   Airline Virus -- You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

   Freudian Virus -- Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its
      own motherboard.

   PBS Virus -- Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

   Elvis Virus -- Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy and then self
      destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations
      across rural America.

   Ollie North Virus -- Turns your printer into a document shredder.

   Nike Virus -- Just Does It!

   Sears Virus -- Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables,
      power supply, and a set of shocks.

   Jimmy Hoffa Virus -- Nobody can find it.

   Kevorkian Virus -- Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.

   Imelda Marcos Virus -- Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up,
      and then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all
      on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

   Star Trek Virus -- Invades your system in places where no virus has
      gone before.

   Health Care Virus -- Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong,
      and sends you a bill for $4,500.

   Lori Lathrop ------> 76620 -dot- 456 -at- compuserve -dot- com