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Subject:Friday Humour II From:Damien Braniff <Damien_Braniff -at- PAC -dot- CO -dot- UK> Date:Fri, 23 Jan 1998 12:24:16 +0000
And for those looking for jobs... It's UK biased but I'm sure you'll have
suitable substitute locations etc where required.
BETWEEN THE LINES
With an improvement in the economy "just around the corner", the future
pages of ISTC publications will doubtless be brimming with new jobs,
vacancies and advertisements of a trawling nature. To paraphrase Oscar
Wilde: the artful in full pursuit of the artless, seeking to ensnare the
unwary with cunningly contrived phrases. What do they really mean?
To guide you through the minefield, here is a list of some familiar
statements made by advertisers and interviewers and the purposefully
pessimistic interpretations which go with them.
THE JOB IS:
A challenging new position Our authors saw this one coming and have
wriggled out of it. Interfacing with development teams Dogsbody
A long term contract Will be cancelled at the next change of
government.
A short term contract Will be cancelled at the next financial panic.
Multi-disciplinary Needs electronic, electrical and mechanical
input but we're hoping you'll muddle through.
Travel orientated Weekly trips to Torness, Isle of Grain and
Pembroke power stations.
A vacancy caused by internal promotion A vacancy
caused by internal dissension
To assist in developing new business Four days
a week on the road
THE JOB REQUIRES:
A high degree of communication skills 'O' Level
English
An ability to make an immediate contribution to work in progress Task
deadline at the end of next month
A pleasantly disposed personality Will not argue
Self motivation, Work on own initiative, Self starter Thrown in
at the deep end
Considerable attention to detail Spares catalogue
THE COMPANY:
Fast growing Lack of office space and overstretched admin
Young and dynamic Hire and fire - have new Portacabin
Old established Hidebound and unimaginative - have old
cotton mill
