STUPID: Enhance your user guides with VODKA!

[Andrew Plato <intrepid_es -at- YAHOO -dot- COM>]

WARNING: This is really stupid.

INSTALLING FRAMECRACKER 9.9.1

Welcome to the haphazardly written installation guide for
FrameCracker.  FrameCracker is an amazing piece of crap.  It was
designed and developed with absolutely no intelligent methods
whatsoever.  FrameCracker uses outdated techniques and methods to
provide users a cumbersome and confusing way to eat up time.  Ideally,
FrameCracker was designed to be a comprehensive and dynamic database
reporting tool.  Nevertheless, when funds ran out and the development
manager decided to begin humping the secretary, well, things sort of
went downhill from there.

REQUIREMENTS

To install FrameCracker 9.9.1 you must have the following hardware and
software:

? Windows NT 4.0 or Windows 98
? The most recent 35 MB service packs must
  be loaded and working perfectly.  You can
  download these service packs from a small
  ISP in Guam at www.www.www.wwww.www/http.www.gu
? 512 MB of RAM
? 4.5 GB of hard disk space.
? A T-1 Internet connection or faster
? Some obscure hotfix that is available on a CD
  from a merchant in Russia.
? FrameNuzzler 2.0 (available from your local
  computer store, suggested retail price $2399.99)
? FramePucker 4.0 runtime component downloadable
  from our website for a nominal setup fee.
? A bottle of vodka.  This is going to take a while.

INSTALLATION INSTRUCTIONS

These instructions vaguely describe how to install the software.
Users should note that most of these instructions were written as the
CD-ROM was being pressed by our disgruntled office manager.  The
engineers were too busy in an off-site jargon swapping conference to
explain anything.

1. Take a shot of vodka. Ahh, relax.

2. Remove the CD-ROM from the plastic case.

WARNING: Do not try to eat the plastic case.

3. Place the CD-ROM in that little cupholder thing
   on your computer.  Do not eat the CD-ROM.

WARNING: The CD-ROM should not be used as a flotation device.

4. Close the little cupholder thing.

5. Take another shot of vodka.

6. Use the mouse to point at something on the screen.

7. Click it and see what happens.

8. The installation program might start on its own.
   If it doesn?t, just go buy a better computer.
   Obviously the one you have is a piece of shit.

9. Time for some more vodka.

10. The first screen displayed says some licensing
    stuff.  Basically, if you use this software we
    can have your liver.  Just click OK.  Only lawyers
    and other snivling weasles can understand all
    that gibberish.

WARNING: The lawyers may be coming to get you.

11. More vodka.

12. Supress the button saying something like, OK.

13. A box displays with colors and letters.

14. Hey, time for another shot!

15. Smash in your agreement value that is stuck on
    the plastic box.

16. Whack OK.

19. Some stuff happens.  Wait for GPF.

23. Machine your reboks and wait for the prompting
    command.

123. Type ?I so wasted!?

93. Mmmmm, vodka glug, glug, glug.

4. Enter shift and depress CONTROL-SWEAT-DEAL.

11. Never double-down on a 12.

93.124 Take off pants.

45. Be free.

34. I love ya man.  I mean, you know, like a friend.
    Not in a sexual way, like a friend.  I really,
    I love you.  Like when we were at that, sheeeat.
    That was, oh, like so, yeah.  I love ya man.

542. More vodka.

i. Fall into a stupor.

TROUBLESHOOTING YOUR INSTALLATION

Problem:  You have eaten the CD-ROM.
Solution: Insert finger into mouth and attempt to retrieve CD.  If you
cannot retrieve the CD wait a few days.  It will pass.

Problem: No vodka.
Solution: Beer, wine, whiskey, rubbing alcohol, crack, shrooms,
crystal meth, Teletubbies, ecstasy, etc. will also work.

Problem: I really want to access my data on the server.
Solution: Call Oracle.  They?re better at this type of work than we
are.

Problem:  I do not have 512 MB of RAM.
Solution: Sucks to be you.

Problem:  I regret ever buying this software.
Solution:  Hey, buddy life is full of regrets.  That?s the way it
goes.  You think I want to work here at this horrible company.  My
friends all get free pop and health care benefits at their jobs, what
do I get? Lung cancer from the asbestos chair I have to sit in every
day.  My boss has a steel plate in his head and the engineers are all
sex-obsessed foreigners.  My life is a festering pit of despair and
you are going to get all pissy about some stupid software.  Sheesh,
get a life.  I need a drink.



---------------------------------------
Another fine waste of bandwidth from:
Andrew Plato
President / Principal Internet Hog
Anitian Consulting, Inc.
www.anitian.com





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