Re: Wording help?

Subject: Re: Wording help?
From: Rd Phillip <rdphillip -at- HOTMAIL -dot- COM>
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 1999 01:46:22 -0500

>Sarah Wigser <<...don't like the following phrase: ...problems
>or issues are followed up on and documented.>>

Sorry, missed the original post, but "on" is unnecessary in the above
sentence.

Regards,
RD

>
>The obvious problem is that (because this is written in passive
>voice) there's no clue whatsoever as to who follows up on
>and documents the issues. Fix that and you fix the worst
>problem. For example: "Sarah follows up on and documents
>all problems and issues." Step two is that "follows up on and
>documents" is pretty vague, since we lack context, and he
>wording doesn't provide the punchline (why this happens and
>what ensues). Perhaps: "Sarah investigates all problems and
>issues, documents them, and passes them to tech support to
>ensure they're resolved." Revise the wording as required,
>using these two strategies, to fit your actual situation.
>
>--Geoff Hart @8^{)} Pointe-Claire, Quebec
>geoff-h -at- mtl -dot- feric -dot- ca
>
>"Though the editor is the author's ally, she should never forget that
>she is also the reader's first line of defense."--Shoshanna Green
>
> From ??? -at- ??? Sun Jan 00 00:00:00 0000=
>
>
>

From ??? -at- ??? Sun Jan 00 00:00:00 0000=




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