RE: Ladies and gentlemen, I... er...

["Kevin McGowan" <mcgowan -at- loran -dot- com>]

{for John Posada, with reference to the sandwich fiasco}

Chris Collins-Wooley wrote:
>
> The instructor of my first tech writing class conducted a
> necktie-tying demonstration. She described the exercise as an
> illustration of what tech writing is all about, but mostly it
> humbled us. I have found it to more challenging and amusing than
> shoe tying, etc.
>
> Bring a necktie to your presentation. Enlist the help of two
> subjects, one who knows how to tie a necktie, the other who doesn't.
> Stand them back to back and prevent any interactions.
> Be prepared in case you there's a smartypants who wants you to give
> the instructions.

Well, what kind of necktie? Straight or bow? What color would this necktie
be? You would have to make sure the pattern on said necktie did not offend
the sensibilities of anyone in the room (ie, no Elvis ties, just in case
there are some Graceland junkies around.) I would recommend a warm floral
print, flowers are pretty much universally interpreted as 'nice,' and
unlikely to offend anyone.

Of course now we get into other issues...width of the tie...whether the one
tying the tie is left or right-handed. What if the person describing the
procedure is left handed, and the person tying is right handed? Imagine the
chaos!!

Now what other considerations make the perfect necktie tying procedure?

I would suspect that gravity might be an issue. Should that be mentioned? I
mean, what if an alien was in the audience, from a planet where gravity was
drastically different than here on Earth. Perhaps when he ties his tie, the
end floats in the air like a flag on a windy day??

Frankly, the complexities of tying a tie may be too complex for the feeble
minds of your intended audience.

I would recommend something even simpler, like making a peanut butter
sandwich.

Now that's a good idea.

Regards,
Kevin ;-)