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RE: Proposal Writing: Second Person vs. Third Person
Subject:RE: Proposal Writing: Second Person vs. Third Person From:KMcLauchlan -at- chrysalis-its -dot- com To:"TECHWR-L" <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com> Date:Fri, 9 Mar 2001 13:37:20 -0500
I agree with Jim, IF there are a bunch of "yous" in the
document and their actions and expectations are liberally
mixed within sections and paragraphs.
However, it might be that there are only a couple of
parties, and that references to them are local and
not intermingled everywhere in the doc.
If it can be made clear -- perhaps by an introductory
paragraph wherever the "you" changes -- just who "you" is
in the current context, then I think you <grin> can
profitably follow the example of credit-card companies
and many other businesses who now simplify language and
specify who the parties are, and then carry on with
abbreviations and pronouns.
"This is an agreement between Giant-Moneysucking-Credit Corporation,
hereafter called "the Company" and the new holder of gold
credit card 4510 1234 4321 9876, hereafter addressed as "you".
By the Company extending this agreement, and you accepting it,
you and the Company each undertake, in good faith, to abide
by the terms of this agreement. You signify your acceptance
of the terms the first time you make use of the card..."
> In defense of Third Person:
> One of the most important things in a proposal is a clear
> statement of who
> will do what. Proposals get passed around and read by a lot
> of _different_
> audiences. Each audience is a different YOU.
> So saying, "You will deliver the required pages in 30 days." can be
> ambiguous while saying, "The document sub-contractor will deliver the
> required pages in 30 days." can be clearer.
> Don't get me wrong. My manuals and help files are written in
> the second
> person. I'm just saying, third person has its points.
IPCC 01, the IEEE International Professional Communication Conference,
October 24-27, 2001 at historic La Fonda in Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA.
CALL FOR PAPERS OPEN UNTIL MARCH 15. http://ieeepcs.org/2001/
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