RE: Beaten by the mob

["Sharon Burton-Hardin" <sharon -at- anthrobytes -dot- com>]

I have a purple belt (midrange in the scale in my style), which I assume I
got for attendance. However, my masters have both told me when it is obvious
that there is a fight, then fight. But do everything you can to not do it.

One of my masters said that most people who want to fight have no interest
in getting hurt - they want to inflict pain, not get pain. Sometimes you can
actually get out of a fight by stating clearly that, while you may not be
able to win this fight, you are going to do everything you can to make sure
that you hurt them as you are losing. And then do it. You may not win, but
they may stop fast if you start to hurt them.

Taking that to the workplace, I try very hard to always let someone have a
way out. I prefer not to get tough, but if I have to, I provide a way out
for the other person. It saves face, which can stop most things before they
escalate to unworkable. Know when you don't wish to die on that hill. It
lets you walk away too. And that means you can fight another day, which is
important to have in your pocket.

On a personal story, I had foot surgery 10 weeks ago. Lots of pain and icky
stuff but I am doing very well now, the Dr is pleased and so am I. Yesterday
my husband and I met a social acquaintance I don't like much. He asked about
the surgery and how it was healing. I told him just super fine. He made a
joke and a gesture with his large booted foot about "so now I can stomp on
your foot?" I smiled and said in the nicest possible way, "Please. And know
that I will break you nose if you do." He laughed and said, "Oh, you
couldn't do that." Still smiling I said, "Oh, sure I can. And I will. Want
to find out?" He looked at me and stopped smiling. I didn't stop smiling.

I saw a bully. Do I think he would have really done that? I am not sure,
which is why I did what I did. I told him what would happen. And smiled. But
he saw something in my eyes that he did not like. I was dead serious. He may
have hurt me but I would make sure he walked away with a broken nose. At
least.

sharon

Sharon Burton-Hardin
CEO, Anthrobytes Consulting
909-369-8590
www.anthrobytes.com

-----Original Message-----
From: bounce-techwr-l-71429 -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com
[mailto:bounce-techwr-l-71429 -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com]On Behalf Of Bruce Wolf
Sent: Monday, January 13, 2003 10:15 AM
To: TECHWR-L
Subject: Re: Beaten by the mob



BB generally gives good advice.  However,,,,,,,,,,,,,

If I recall my basic and advanced psychology classes correctly, a bully
invariably backs down.  It is the "mind control" aspect of bullying that
gives the bully power.  If a bully can't get you to do what he wants, he
stops.

A bully may threaten a punch.  A bully may throw a punch.  A bully may push.
Respond in kind and the bully will both stop and become very accommodating.

Being a "mommy's boy" has something to do with it, but I don't want to go
there.  I don't remember that part and we are rather far from technical
writing as it is.

Certainly there are some women on this list who've taken self-defense
classes.  Part of the instruction probably included lessons on bullies.  Do
you want to share?

I've learned from experience the problem is misjudging the person.  Nine of
ten people who act like bullies are.  The tenth isn't.  So, I'd recommend
self-defense classes for anyone who plans to stand up to a bully.  When he
bloodies your nose, you'd better be able to bloody his.




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