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Subject:RE: Getting Along Despite Interpersonal Skills From:Charles E Vermette <cvermette -at- juno -dot- com> To:"TECHWR-L" <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com> Date:Sun, 1 Jun 2003 22:00:02 -0400
Anonymous wonders:
<<<Here's a question for the group: what do you do with a coworker
(writer) who has TERRIBLE interpersonal skills? This person started
working with us about a year and a half ago. He has managed to aggravate
and alienate most of the developers, who have always been great to work
with (for me)...He cannot seem to work as part of a team at all, seldom
considering when his need to "tweak" one last thing might cause other
team members extra work. He doesn't "chat" wit people unless he wants
something from them. He has very poor social skills. We try to include
him in social outings, but he ends up talking about work or sitting there
quietly and not contributing to conversations...What do you do with
someone like that? Figure they'll learn in time? How would they learn?>>>
The way to deal with a problem individual like this is to:
* Tell them exactly what they did that was inappropriate (Refer to
specific incidences.)
* tell them the *objective consequences* of the action, in both the short
and long term (*don't* focus on feelings. One can argue about the
validity of subjective feelings; it's much harder to argue with objective
consequences.)
* Tell them specifically what actions to take in the future, and what
results you expect from them.
Example 1:
"Dick, I understand you walked into Brad Anderson's office unannounced,
and stayed there for 25 minutes asking questions about basic networking
principles."
"First of all, Brad's time is extremely valuable. We bill him out at $300
an hour to our clients, and we need him doing billable work as much as
possible. As a courtesy to me, he makes himself available to our
department for urgent matters. As a courtesy to him, I email him to
arrange time to do this. In any event, we only contact Brad when we've
explored all other avenues of getting information."
"In the future, I expect you to do basic research on your own - from what
I understand, there was nothing you asked Brad that you couldn't have got
from a Google search or the reference books in my office. Should you need
him, e-mail him a CC me. In the long term, I expect you to show the
initiative in developing your technical skills. I also expect your
writing to reflect this knowledge."
Example 2:
"Dick, I understand you took 15 minutes in the weekly inter department
meeting deriding the Penske modification and conducting a lecture on User
Interface Design."
"First of all, we go to great lengths to reserve that time, and we only
have 45 minutes to cover a lot of material. Because of this, we stick
rigidly to the agenda. Secondly, this modification had been discussed
previously. Everyone in that room realizes it's not the most intuitive
interface in the world, but Penske needs that functionality and we need
the revenue. Our solution is the only way to implement it and meet the
release date."
"Lastly, I've gone to great lengths to develop strong relationships with
other teams. We've done this by respecting each other's talents, time,
and constraints. Your behavior at the meeting flew in the face of this.
In the future, if you have reservations about something, take it up with
me and I'll either take action or explain the reasoning to you."
Example 3:
"Dick, I understand you left at 5:00 yesterday without telling anyone -
even though you knew we have a major release going out today, and that we
needed someone to stand by in case there are last minute changes to the
release notes."
"I know you're used to a 9 to 5 environment with a big company, but we're
a small startup making a name for ourselves. We live and die by our
response to our customers, and by meeting deadlines. If this means
staying an extra hour or two from time to time, we do it. This was
explained to you when you started here."
"In the future, I expect you to do what it takes to meet the deadline. In
an emergency, we can work out something, but I need to know beforehand.
If you really need to work in a 9-to-5 environment, you need to
reconsider whither or not we're right for you."
If this person has been allowed to get away with counter productive
behavior for a year and a half, it's going to be very hard to start
changing it now. The method I've described above works best if
implemented as soon as the behavior starts.
Chuck
Charles E. Vermette
85 Washington Park Drive, Norwell MA 02061
781-659-1836
e-mail: cvermette -at- juno -dot- com
web: http://www.charlesvermette.com
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