Re: Getting along despite interpersonal skills

[Annamarie Pluhar <apluhar -at- mindspring -dot- com>]

To anonymous:

If I were the manager .... As a manager my job is to make sure that 
the business is productive.   Everything Dick says is dead on right.. 
And might result in a beginning behavior change, and might result in 
the person growing up. You don't say whether this person is valuable 
for other reasons.

As a peer...?  I might try Dick's approach of direct communication or 
Andrew's of leaving the guy alone to hang himself. Depends on the 
circumstances.  Is he a young guy? Wet behind-the-ears, who has never 
had a job before? Is he an older guy, so set in his ways that any 
effort to work collaboratively is rebuffed? Do you like him, despite 
his "terrible interpersonal skills"? The fact that you've encouraged 
him to join social occasions means 1) you do like him or 2) you feel 
everyone has to be included.  Watch out for the latter, not everyone 
likes forced social occasions.

Clearly this issue is a problem for you.  So you have to try 
something.  A conversation with him that starts with. "I have a 
problem. I'm growing increasingly uncomfortable with what's going on 
here..." Ask him if he wants to help you. [oh yuck, that sounds too 
pat and awful, but somehow you have to get agreement from him that 
he's aware of a problem and that he's willing to help fix it]  When 
you describe the problem, do so as actual, factual behaviors. If his 
reaction to this attempt on your part is to shut you out, walk out or 
otherwise reject what is an attempt to improve things... I take 
Andrew's approach.  However, you might find out some surprising 
things. The guy may really be a bull in a china shop and not know how 
he's coming across or how to do things otherwise.  (Some therapy 
might be the best thing that ever happened to him.)  Try the 
conversation. You'll feel better about the situation no matter what 
happens, because you've taken action. Let us know how it turns out.

Good luck.

--
Annamarie
apluhar -at- iddtechsolutions -dot- com
301.589.6813  



^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Robohelp X3, from eHelp, lets you quickly and easily create 
professional Help systems for all your Windows and Web-based 
applications, including Net. 

Order RoboHelp X3 in May and receive a $100 mail-in rebate, PLUS
free RoboScreenCapture and WebHelp Merge Module. 

Order RoboHelp today: http://www.ehelp.com/techwr-l

---
You are currently subscribed to techwr-l as:
archive -at- raycomm -dot- com
To unsubscribe send a blank email to leave-techwr-l-obscured -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com
Send administrative questions to ejray -at- raycomm -dot- com -dot-  Visit
http://www.raycomm.com/techwhirl/ for more resources and info.