RE: Coworker who won't take no for an answer

["Sean Brierley" <sbrierley -at- Accu-Time -dot- com>]

I don't get it. Someone finds you attractive and has suggested several
times that you and your sons meet him at a favorite hobby shop of his,
but you are not interested in a relationship and you, and your sons,
find his hobby uninteresting and geeky. In response, he has tried to
show how the hobby is not geeky. Additionally, he has seriously called
you a bad parent for not doing what he suggests.

For your part, you have excused myself, run off to meetings, picked up
the telephone, and told him outright that your sons think his hobby is
pretty lame. 

I see how the situation is awkward for you, but not how it is precarious
or how the project is jeopardized.

I think guys can be pretty dense. We're often not very good at
interpreting signals of any kind. So, perhaps be straightforward and
tell that you feel awkward about saying something, and you appreciate
the attention, but you are not interested in meeting him outside of
work, so would he mind just dropping the subject. Consider having a
witness.

Cheers,

Sean

___________
Sean Brierley
Technical Writer
www.accu-time.com



-----Original Message-----
From: techwr-l-bounces+sbrierley=accu-time -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
[mailto:techwr-l-bounces+sbrierley=accu-time -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com] On
Behalf Of Blount, Patricia A
Sent: Tuesday, July 29, 2008 9:50 AM
To: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
Subject: Coworker who won't take no for an answer


Good morning, all,

I find myself in a precarious situation and wondered if you might advise
me...

I have a SME, a subject matter expert with review and sign-off
responsibility for a guide I'm writing. He is a gifted programmer, a
brilliant young guy probably in his late twenties. He's also very pushy.


Since the start of this project, he's suggested - more than once - that
I should bring my teenage sons to his favorite Saturday afternoon haunt,
a local hobby shop. At the risk of sounding full of myself, it is
embarrassingly obvious to me and to all of my cubicle neighbors that he
has a crush. 

My sons have zero interest in this particular hobby and even if my boys
enjoyed the activity, we would NOT attend for that reason alone. I am
doing my best to discourage his attentions.

He will not let the matter drop. He presses and pushes and even went so
far as to call my mothering skills into question, suggesting that I am
doing my sons a disservice by not forcing them into the shop. It may end
up broadening their horizons and changing their lives. 

I've tried the obvious solutions - excusing myself, running off to
meetings, picking up the telephone. I was even honest and told him
outright my sons think his hobby is pretty lame. This was yesterday,
after the tenth time he brought up the subject. He all but printed out
resumes for the four people who own the store, explaining that a public
defender, a published author, a former cop and a computer programmer are
not nerds.

Sigh. 

I'm dangerously close to losing my temper with him, which prompts this
email to you. How can I shut him up without jeopardizing this project? 

Thank you all. 
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