RE: Coworker who won't take no for an answer

["Sean Brierley" <sbrierley -at- Accu-Time -dot- com>]

>From the original poster, I have not seen that she clearly indicated
she's not interested in an out-of-work relationship. IMHO, she needs to
say, "not interested." From what I read, she's ducked the direct
communication that is needed.

There's been a fair bit of speculation about HR and harassment and such
but do we really know the context. Are we sure this seemingly dense
suitor wasn't joking when he said, "awwww, come one, bring the kids to
the hobby shop, you're a bad mom if you don't let them go at least once"
versus "you are a terrible mother and neglectful and I'm reporting you
to the state authorities."

I agree the original poster doesn't need to say why or apologize. But,
the unambiguous communication needs to happen. Will HR act if the
original poster hasn't made a clear unambiguous rejection of this guy's
attentions?  IMHO, if this guys attentions persist after the unambiguous
communication, then fire his dumb ... self.

Cheers,

Sean

-----Original Message-----john -at- garisons -dot- com wrote:
> Perhaps the LWL (little white lie) is called for: Tell him that you 
> talked it over with your sons and your Serious Love Interest, and they

> you've decided as a family that there's just not room in your busy 
> lives for yet another time commitment. Perhaps that will get him to 
> realize that the object of his affection is not available or 
> interested.

urk.  I disagree.

It doesn't matter if this guy has a crush on Patricia.  It doesn't 
matter if he's just being friendly and clueless, if he's a pedophile, or

if he thinks she's the lost immortal amazonian princess of Texarkana. 
     She's not interested.  Full stop.  End of story.

Conversely, she doesn't owe him an explanation of why she's not 
interested.  It doesn't need to be that his hobby is lame, that she's 
too busy, that he smells funny, or that as the lost immortal amazonian 
princess of Texarkana she obviously cannot date a mortal human.  She 
isn't interested in any kind of a relationship with him outside of work.

  Full stop.  End of story.

Answering the question of "why" or offering excuses leads to awkward and

pushy attempts at persuasion (as she discovered).  There's no reason to 
lie.  He's a grownup.  This is a workplace.  The answer is no.  If that 
doesn't work, say it louder and more often.

If THAT doesn't work, then escalate to management and HR.  But you have 
to start with no.
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