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Subject:Re: Coworker who won't take no for an answer From:ActionA -at- aol -dot- com To:techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com Date:Thu, 31 Jul 2008 10:16:48 EDT
Now if we're comparing stories..... :-) Here's one:
This took place back when I was a desktop publisher for a company in
Berkeley, CA. At a company barbecue I was propositioned by a married software
engineer in front of a group of his co-workers. He knew that I was recently
divorced and offered to pay me money for my services....No lie!
I was so shocked and upset that I just walked away.
I never even considered going to HR because the HR manager was a man. So I
did the next best thing: I told the secretary of our department. I knew she
could not keep a secret (and if he had wanted it to be private he never would
have said what he did in front of his friends), so by telling her I knew the
word would get to the appropriate places. Well after that, the man avoided me
like the plague (and so did every other man who thought I might be an easy
target)!
If this happened to me now, I would have handled it quite differently, but I
was much younger....
Nancy
In a message dated 7/31/2008 9:21:09 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
N -dot- Harlow -at- seamsltd -dot- com writes:
I once had a similar problem, a much older co-worker who PROPOSED
MARRIAGE to me on the second day of my first Technical Author job, then
saw fit to make references to my weight (which was considerable, I have
to admit). Very inappropriate.
I sent him a VERY blunt email telling him if he didn't get lost* I would
complain to management. This was now a couple of weeks into the job.
He didn't talk to me for two years.
No big loss. I wish I had kept a copy of that email! (And I should
have...)
Nicola
*Or words to that effect
-----Original Message-----
From: techwr-l-bounces+n -dot- harlow=seamsltd -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
[mailto:techwr-l-bounces+n -dot- harlow=seamsltd -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com] On
Behalf Of Dana Worley
Sent: 30 July 2008 16:48
To: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
Subject: Re: Coworker who won't take no for an answer
On Tuesday, July 29, 2008, Blount, Patricia A wrote:
> He will not let the matter drop. He presses and pushes and even went
> so far as to call my mothering skills into question, suggesting that I
> am doing my sons a disservice by not forcing them into the shop. It
> may end up broadening their horizons and changing their lives.
>
> I've tried the obvious solutions - excusing myself, running off to
> meetings, picking up the telephone. I was even honest and told him
> outright my sons think his hobby is pretty lame. This was yesterday,
> after the tenth time he brought up the subject. He all but printed out
> resumes for the four people who own the store, explaining that a
> public defender, a published author, a former cop and a computer
> programmer are not nerds.
The next time he brings it up, say...
"Look. We have had this discussion before. I have said No. I am not
interested; my sons are not interested."
"Your continued requests have made me uncomfortable. I feel I am being
harassed. Please stop this harassment or I will be forced to take this
issue to management. I do not want to damage our working relationship,
but if you continue to press this issue I will take whatever actions are
necessary to stop it myself."
In no way would I EVER tell him "he's such a sweetheart". If he truly
has a crush and is clueless, this will only encourage his attention. And
if he's the vindictive sort, he could twist your words around and you
might be the one to end up on the wrong side of a harassment suit.
As others have said, direct, clear communication is required.
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