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Subject:Re: Suffering succotash From:Laurie Rubin <lmr -at- SYL -dot- NJ -dot- NEC -dot- COM> Date:Fri, 11 Nov 1994 09:31:07 -0500
Just rewrite the entire sentence! As a technical writer, I find the sentence
offendingly long and complicated! Who are the "they," "their," "who"
anyway?????
Laurie
> Version #1
> They are discussing the trials of their lives, and who among them has had to
> endure the most suffering, but in doing so they are also identifying who has
> been the cause of **these** sufferings.
> Version #2
> They are discussing the trials of their lives, and who among them has had to
> endure the most suffering, but in doing so they are also identifying who has
> been the cause of **those** sufferings.
> ** Though interesting, the distinction between "these" and "those" isn't
> the primary pebble in this succotash.
> The plural "these/those sufferings" at the end of the sentence is torn
> between referring to the earlier "suffering" and the even earlier "trials"
> .
> - The earlier "suffering" should have been referred to as singular,
> not as plural.
> But my guess is that the sentence doesn't mean they
> identified the cause of that suffering-- of the particular suffering
> belonging to the one that endured the most. I think the sentence
> means they identified the cause of all the participants' suffering.
> - Considering that the participants were probably identifying the cause
> of everybody's suffering, "these/those sufferings" actually refers to
> the "trials" at the beginning of the sentence. But to ask the reader
> to understand that "sufferings" really refers to "trials" rather than
> to "suffering" is to give the distinction between "suffering" and
> "sufferings" a heavier job than it can handle.
> Is anyone still reading? A minimal fix would be to use neither "these"
> nor "those," since neither one can refer successfully back to
> anything earlier in the sentence. Just say "their sufferings."
> Or if you refuse to dodge the these/those question (and don't want to
> rewrite the sentence much), change "sufferings" to "trials" and use
> "those", in the sense of "the ones I mentioned earlier." You could
> alternatively use "these", in the sense of "the ones I am or will be
> talking about", if the sentence is not yet the end of the passage
> about the sufferings or if, perhaps for the sake of advocacy, you want
> a sense of immediacy at all cost; but as English, "those" is the
> safer choice in this case. The folks who were discussing the trials
> of their own lives would be having more of a "these" discussion.
> __________________________________________________________________________
> ||- Mark L. Levinson, mark -at- sd -dot- co -dot- il -- Box 5780, 46157 Herzlia, Israel -||
> || You can't judge right by looking at the wrong. - Willie Dixon ||
