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Subject:RE: Coworker who won't take no for an answer From:"Nicola Harlow" <N -dot- Harlow -at- seamsltd -dot- com> To:"Dana Worley" <dana -at- campbellsci -dot- com>,<techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com> Date:Thu, 31 Jul 2008 14:20:22 +0100
I once had a similar problem, a much older co-worker who PROPOSED
MARRIAGE to me on the second day of my first Technical Author job, then
saw fit to make references to my weight (which was considerable, I have
to admit). Very inappropriate.
I sent him a VERY blunt email telling him if he didn't get lost* I would
complain to management. This was now a couple of weeks into the job.
He didn't talk to me for two years.
No big loss. I wish I had kept a copy of that email! (And I should
have...)
Nicola
*Or words to that effect
-----Original Message-----
From: techwr-l-bounces+n -dot- harlow=seamsltd -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
[mailto:techwr-l-bounces+n -dot- harlow=seamsltd -dot- com -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com] On
Behalf Of Dana Worley
Sent: 30 July 2008 16:48
To: techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
Subject: Re: Coworker who won't take no for an answer
On Tuesday, July 29, 2008, Blount, Patricia A wrote:
> He will not let the matter drop. He presses and pushes and even went
> so far as to call my mothering skills into question, suggesting that I
> am doing my sons a disservice by not forcing them into the shop. It
> may end up broadening their horizons and changing their lives.
>
> I've tried the obvious solutions - excusing myself, running off to
> meetings, picking up the telephone. I was even honest and told him
> outright my sons think his hobby is pretty lame. This was yesterday,
> after the tenth time he brought up the subject. He all but printed out
> resumes for the four people who own the store, explaining that a
> public defender, a published author, a former cop and a computer
> programmer are not nerds.
The next time he brings it up, say...
"Look. We have had this discussion before. I have said No. I am not
interested; my sons are not interested."
"Your continued requests have made me uncomfortable. I feel I am being
harassed. Please stop this harassment or I will be forced to take this
issue to management. I do not want to damage our working relationship,
but if you continue to press this issue I will take whatever actions are
necessary to stop it myself."
In no way would I EVER tell him "he's such a sweetheart". If he truly
has a crush and is clueless, this will only encourage his attention. And
if he's the vindictive sort, he could twist your words around and you
might be the one to end up on the wrong side of a harassment suit.
As others have said, direct, clear communication is required.
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